Promises to Keep
by Skybluebirdy
Summary: Everyone knows that Shepard always saves the day, no matter the cost, or the sacrifices she has to make. But death will have to bide its time. Shepard promised to come back, and her crew won't let her forget it. Includes majority of Normandy crew. Post-Catalyst. Something of a destroy ending fix-it fic, because it could use help. Rated T for moderate violence.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, and everything is the property of its rightful owners, as one would expect. I'm just an eager fan with an overactive imagination who's decided to put this ending right. This first chapter is a bit of a flashback.**

Updates coming as soon as I can write them. Reviews welcome. Enjoy! =)

4/23/20 - I'm going through and updating the chapters now that I've had another chance to play through the series. Should be a somewhat more accurate and pleasant read now. Also, since I apparently didn't mention it before, this fic is a _little_ _bit_ Shakarian shippy, but it could be read as platonic (but why would you want it to?)

* * *

"But you must choose." the holographic construct of the Catalyst, the child, prompted.

"You can't just force the galaxy to evolve against its will. And I didn't come to make friends with the Reapers." Shepard answered after a long moment of deliberation, weakly wiping the blood from her face, "I came to destroy the Reapers."

"It is your choice, but it will be your extinction. Synthetics will rise up and extinguish all organic life in time without control or synthesis." the holographic interface said warningly, in that irritating, slightly echo-y way that made her want to rip out its circuits.

"You're wrong." she rasped, wobbling precariously even as she stubbornly stayed upright, "Organics and synthetics don't have to fight each other. The quarians and the geth are living proof that there can be peace."

"You are basing your entire supposition on a truce that has lasted for less than a week. The data of countless cycles does not lie."

"Maybe, but I know one thing. Either we destroy the Reapers, or they destroy us." she said, thinking of Anderson, her broken chest swelling with determination.

"Then your path is open." the hologram echoed. "Choose, but you must hurry. Time is running short."

Commander Shepard dragged her gaze to the battle raging above them. _Yes it is_ , she thought. Slowly, jerkily, she dragged one foot forward and put it in front of the other, again, again, step, pause, step, pause, step, inexorably onward, up the ramp to her right, and towards the exposed core. But as she raised her gun to finish the job, she couldn't do it. Couldn't lift the blasted thing. Couldn't aim. Couldn't fire. She was so tired. Just wanted to lay down for a minute, close her eyes. Surely the galaxy could wait that long…

The hand on her shoulder pulled her back to the moment.

"I've got your back, Shepard." Garrus reassured, nudging her forward.

"We've got your back." Tali answered from her other side, helping her lift her shaking arm to point the gun towards the core.

"We're finally here, Shepard. After all this time." Liara said, supporting her as she stumbled forward another step. "And now it's time to end this."

She took the first shot.

 _Bang_ , the reinforced glass casing cracked, and Mordin put a hand out to steady her aim.

 _Bang_ , and Legion pressed her forward again.

 _Bang_ , Jack caught her as she fell.

 _Bang_ , Wrex urged her on as the glass began to fracture and fall away.

 _Bang_ , Kaidan joined the others in guiding her forward.

 _Bang_ , Joker cheered her on as the first shot made its way through to the core.

 _Bang_ , EDI suggested a slight change in targeting behavior.

 _Bang_ , _bang_ , Kasumi and Jacob appeared behind her, egging her on.

 _Bang_ , Thane guided her feet as she continued to walk and fire.

 _Bang_ , _bang_. "Give 'em hell, Lola." James shouted, Zaeed and Grunt pointing out weak spots from behind, as the bullets rained thick and heavy into the machinery.

 _Bang_ , _bang_ , _bang_. "You're almost through, Shepard." Miranda whispered, joining the others behind her, supporting her.

 _Bang_ , _bang_ , Samara kept her aim true as the first mini burst of flame erupted from the core.

 _Bang_ , _bang_. "You've got this, Commander." Ashley assured her, another gout of sparks and fire flashing before them.

"I'm proud of you, Shepard." Anderson said again, laying a hand on her shoulder as she took the final shot.

One last _bang_ , and the core exploded in an angry storm of heat and light, shoving her back as it threatened to engulf her. She stumbled and fell to the ground, the shockwave washing over her as the system began to cascade into catastrophe.

"Run, Shepard." one of the voices hissed in her ear, dragging her back to her feet and shoving her away from the blast. "Remember your promise. Come back alive."

She ran, and the Crucible, hungry flames flaring out from its broken seals like a match to gasoline, finally and completely, exploded behind her.

* * *

"Shepard."

Shepard woke with a start. She sat on a bench in the middle of a dark, half-shadowed clearing in a forest. Her breathing was even, unlabored, painless. With a start, she realized all the cuts and wounds she had suffered were gone. Gone, without even scars to mark their passing.

"Shepard." the voice called again. She focused, tracing it to its source and found herself face to face with none other than Mordin.

"This seat taken?" he asked in his familiar half-rushed tone.

She shook her head, still feeling numb and disoriented. The salarian sat next to her on the bench and hummed to himself as he regarded her. "Should not be here. Should have had more help. Galaxy will be a mess."

"There wasn't any other choice." she answered, a weak smile playing across her face, "It had to be me. Someone else might've gotten it wrong."

"Hmm, sense of humor still intact I see."

"I've missed you, Mordin." she said suddenly, all the aching his death had brought throbbing to the surface once more.

"Always there, with you, Shepard. Always will be. Never fear."

Shepard chuckled, the distinct absence of rasping breath, of the gurgling, wet pain that would inevitably follow the gesture becoming all but palpable to her now. "Well, now I'm here with you. I guess we'll both be haunting people now."

Mordin shook his head vigorously, "No, Shepard. Not finished yet."

"'Not finished?' I think… I think this was it. I'm here, aren't I?"

"'The woods are lovely, dark and deep.'" he trilled, lifting his gaze to the forest around them.

She cocked her head, the words echoing in her memory. "That's an Earth piece, Frost, wasn't it?" she asked softly.

"Yes. One of his finer pieces. Extraordinary poet. For a human. Care to finish poem?"

She didn't really remember the rest. Ashley had been the poetry fan, not her. But even as she opened her mouth to tell Mordin so, Ashley's voice echoed through her mind, and the words tripped off her tongue, half-remembered and half-repeated both, the memory of the Lieutenant Commander's steady recitation carrying her through the rest of the verse:

 _"'The woods are lovely, dark and deep._

 _But I have promises to keep._

 _And miles to go before I sleep._

 _And miles to go before I sleep…'"_

Shepard looked around the clearing, staring deep into the woods for a long moment before speaking, "I have to go back."

Mordin nodded. "Thought as much. They still need you. Time is almost up. Have to wake up now, Shepard."

"Wait," she said, standing as he started to move away, "You… Can't you come with me?"

He shook his head. "My time is done, has been done. Yours is not. Am happy here, Shepard." he pulled a small object from one of his pockets and held it up for her to see, "Found the seashells. Fascinating. Still many tests to run."

She smiled at that, but the ache from his absence wiped it away almost immediately. "I'm still going to miss you, Mordin."

"Understandable. Human social structure leads to difficulty letting go." he paused, breathing deeply, "Will miss you too, Shepard. Will be there with you as well. Not physically, of course. Metaphorically. Will wait for you to make it here in your own time. Now go."

She hugged him, wishing desperately she could just stay here, free of the awful pain and weariness, sit and talk with her old friends— "Mordin, are the others here?"

"Yes. At the bar now. Maybe go there next time. The proper time. For now, promises to keep, people to see, reasons to live. Go." he added, more gently this time, and nudged her towards the edge of the ring of trees. She continued towards them in a daze, her feet seeming to move of their own accord. As she walked, the world seemed to fade around her, and as she looked over her shoulder, she could see Mordin waving back at her as he, too, began fading into the light.

She continued, everything echoing back into an endless white expanse, and as all around her melted away, the words of the poem continued to play in her head:

 _The woods are lovely, dark and deep._

 _But I have promises to keep._

 _And miles to go before I sleep._

And miles to go before I sleep…

* * *

Shepard woke with a gasp, the air sucking back into her battered lungs with a wet sound. She coughed, tasting blood, groaned when that involuntary movement shook her broken body from torn muscle to shattered bone, and almost passed out again from the pain.

She didn't know where she was. Didn't understand—

Where was the Citadel? Where were the stars?

Wasn't she—She was… _Am I still on the Citadel? Is this it?_ she wondered, head spinning, the bright light shafting through the cracks in the rubble around her sending pain arcing through her skull. She shut her eyes, bracing against the darkness that quickly threatened to consume her once more. _Why not? Just five minutes… I just need to sleep._ But she couldn't. She had promises to keep.

She couldn't move. It wasn't just the pain trapping her, it seemed the rubble had pinned her legs. She'd been lucky. The collapsed structure around her seemed to have shielded her upper body and head rather than crushing them.

From the sharp, insistent throbbing in her legs, she seemed to have skirted any debilitating spinal injuries. Small comfort that, as every slight movement sent her teetering on the brink of unconsciousness.

She couldn't close her eyes against the light, couldn't give in. It would be so easy… too easy for her to just drift off and perhaps never wake again. But it was so bright. She just lay there, for minutes, hours, she had no way to know or judge how long it really was. Time seemed irrelevant, nonsensical. The only thing that mattered was survival, and she fought like a krogan to stay awake, to stay alive.

As the light faded into darkness, so softly, yet so suddenly, she wondered if Anderson was here too. Wondered if she could find him, if he might have somehow made it. She wondered if Joker got everyone out.

The light returned, even more blinding than before. Until, it wasn't. Her vision was murky, unfocused, and beyond the rubble there seemed to be a patch of shadow that wasn't there before. _Imagining things. Not good… Not…_ She was so tired.

The shadow moved through the ruined structure, swooping down to investigate… what exactly? She didn't know. Couldn't string together enough hazy thoughts to make sense of it. Didn't care. _This is it. I've finally cracked… So bright. Turn the sun off, just for a minute… just need a minute. I've earned that_. Her eyes started to drift closed, barely aware of the shadow coming closer, becoming more solid, and—

"Shepard!" the shadow yelled, concerned, pained, hopeful, desperate.

 _Really… am going crazy._

"Hold on! Just hold on!" the voice called, it seemed so distant now, other shadows joining the first. She might have imagined them. Might be imagining all of this. How would she know? As the brightness all around illuminated the shadow—the tall figure—something on their face caught the light, and, as it did, Shepard's world went dark and she knew no more.


	2. Chapter 2

Garrus quickly climbed out of the chair he was sitting in, watching another doctor exit the surgery ward, but, as usual, none would meet his gaze, or answer his questions. He clenched his fist, the one not covered in bandages, feeling frustrated and worried both, but there was nothing to be done. Instead, he sidled past James and Ashley in the hall and went to check on Liara. She was standing off in one of the waiting room corners, fingers flying over some electronic interface, face practically buried in the miniscule writing scrawled across the screen, while Glyph hovered nearby and chirped reminders to her.

"You look like death." he told her bluntly, taking in the deep lines of concentration across her face, and the distinct half-moons under her eyes.

She didn't respond. Didn't have a smart quip to throw back at him. None of them really felt in the mood for humor or banter. Not even Joker, who was normally the first to join in on the wise-cracking.

"The doctors are doing everything they can." Garrus reassured her, wanting to believe the words himself. "We've been here for a long time. You haven't moved from that spot for hours. You need a break."

"I'll take a break when you do." Liara snapped, rubbing her temples and taking a moment to compose herself again before adding in a substantially calmer tone, "Besides, if anyone needs to take a break, it's you and Ash."

Both he and the Lt. Commander had been rather seriously injured in the push to the transporter beam, but prompt medical attention and a generous amount of medigel had put both soldiers back on their feet and back to worrying about their Commander inside of a day, though it would still take them quite some time to truly recover. They had joined the rest of the crew and Alliance rescue teams in searching for Shepard's body—No, not body. She was too stubborn for that.

After all they'd been through, she couldn't have just…

Once the worst of their injuries had been tended to, they had immediately joined the crews to find Shepard and Anderson if possible, and to declare them as casualties of the war if they could not. But they had found her. Had found both of them, though only one of them was still breathing when they finally located them and dug them out of the decimated Presidium ring and ruins of the Crucible. It had been two days since the Crucible had fired, two days since Shepard had lost contact, before the team had found them.

* * *

 _Tired, the dull ache of panic so long felt that it had smoldered into an anxious restlessness still running through his overtaxed nerves, he mounted another crumbling wall. Darkness and silence lay over everything, with only the faint sparking of the more intact systems and small, haphazard electrical fires providing any illumination beyond the sweep of his flashlight. It danced across the still, crumpled metal, the shattered stone, the melted pools of plastics with the same nervous intensity as it had across the past half kilometer of broken rooms and twisted space station. Nothing. He bent to shine a light under a pile of debris, greeted with the same sight of broken, charred materials. His bones ached as he turned away, sharp pain from the injuries to his chest and abdomen forcing him to move even slower than the other search teams. But he couldn't rest. Wouldn't let anyone stop him until he had found her._

 _The beam from his light skittered across a slight dip in the rubble, darted over cracked concrete, bent metal, warped plating, and a set of N7 dog tags._

 _Shepard._

 _The name sent a jolt of relief and a thousand different emotions coursing through his tired system, and it took him a moment to register that he had yelled it aloud as well._

 _"Hold on. Just hold on." he told her, unmoving as she was. She was alive. She had to be. He struggled to lift the ruined remnants of what had once been a room, struggled to reach her even as he called for the others. Tali and Liara were there in an instant, taking up position on either side of him as, together, they worked desperately to free the Commander from the rubble._

 _Heavy steps bearing him slowly and sluggishly from the ruined section of the Citadel, Garrus carried Shepard as far as Admiral Hackett's escort, who then took her from him, medical teams already streaming towards them. He didn't want to watch her leave, watch her broken and bleeding form be borne away._

 _He wasn't there the last time she had likely looked like that, the last time she had…_

 _But she wasn't going to die. If the Crucible exploding in front of her, the Citadel crumbling beneath her hadn't killed her, nothing else was about to. Besides, he had a message to deliver for her._

 _"Shepard wanted to tell you, she was barely conscious, I'm not even sure if she knew what was happening, but she wanted you to save Admiral Anderson's body."_

 _Hackett's brows furrowed. "Save his body how? To delay his funeral until she's out of the hospital? The public will want to mourn the heroes that helped put an end to this war. But if that's what Shepard wanted, I'll see what I can do."_

 _He wearily shook his head. "No, I don't think that's it. She was very specific. She told me to put him in cryo as soon as you dig him out, and to keep tabs on Miranda Lawson. I think she wanted to say more, but…"_

 _"I'm not sure I have the kind of pull to make that call." Hackett said warningly, his dark eyes half hidden beneath deeply drawn eyebrows._

 _"You coordinated the entire fleet. That has to count for something. Besides, we both know that the galaxy owes Shepard, and Anderson too. We can't just ignore that."_

 _Hackett nodded slowly, sighing after a moment. "Fine. I'm not sure what good it will do, but Shepard has her reasons, I'm sure. I'll make sure her request is honored. We'll get it done, Vakarian."_

 _He pulled Liara aside once they were aboard the Normandy, headed to the hospital Shepard was being treated in. He told her of Shepard's request, and she spent the rest of the trip in front of an extranet access terminal. Just as they started towards the airlock, Liara tugged on his arm and quietly explained that Miranda was on board for whatever Shepard needed, and that she was conducting some research in light of the news. But what was Shepard thinking?_

* * *

Even in the present, Garrus didn't know. He and Ashley had spent weeks fully recovering from their own wounds. Ash in particular still being monitored for signs of trauma, and she was slated for another diagnostic in the next hour or so.

Garrus took a deep breath, feeling the slight ache in his chest as he did so. He had managed to escape the confines of the recovery room, with a little help from Tali and a small adjustment to the medical consoles, though he was still far from back to his old self.

Still, it was not as if he was going anywhere. Not while they were still waiting for news about Shepard. The staff didn't even seem to know if she was going to… He pushed the negative thoughts aside angrily. He wasn't about to give up on her yet. Especially when nothing was certain.

"Turians aren't particularly good at relaxing." he finally said, rueful. The Normandy crew, past and present, had taken informal shifts to wait on Shepard, switching out so they could eat a meal, shower, and sleep for a while. Some of them were better at taking care of themselves than others though. He really didn't feel like he needed time away, but he had to be looking nearly as ragged as Liara at this point.

She glanced up from her screen to regard him, face softening somewhat with a not-quite-smile. It faded as her gaze flickered from Garrus to someone behind him. He turned, and his heart hit his chest like a shotgun shell at the sight of the nurse that stood there. He seemed as tired as they were, his short hair mussed and sticking up at odd angles, fingers fidgeting even as he clasped them together in what was probably meant to be a calming, professional fashion.

"The Commander is out of surgery." he explained wearily. He paused briefly, as if to gather his thoughts, and Garrus felt his stomach tying itself into such a tiny knot that it might disappear entirely like a cheap magician's party trick. Catching the shared expressions of worry and apprehension on the faces of the Normandy's crew, the nurse continued hastily, "She's stable, but there were some complications."

"What kind of complications?" Liara asked, her voice cracking a little from the strain.

"Well, the Commander suffered a great deal of injuries. We repaired as much damage as we could, but the trauma was extensive. She had breaks to most of the bones in her body, and there was a great degree of hairline fracturing all across her skeleton. I'm afraid these injuries also extended to her implants. I've come to understand that Cerberus installed a large number of technological binders, stimulators, and enhancers to revive the Commander, and from what I've seen, and from the notes in her files, these were never removed due to either reliance on them or the difficulty of extraction. Approximately 45% of those implants were damaged in some way, or are showing signs of rejection. There were many surface abrasions and injuries as well, which contributed to her extensive blood loss."

"Does she need a donor? I'm a match." Ash interjected abruptly, rolling up her sleeve as if the nurse already had a needle on him.

The man blinked uncomprehendingly for a second, surprised, then raised a hand to calm the soldier. "With all due respect, ma'am, you can't donate while you're under treatment yourself. Besides, finding blood isn't the problem. We were able to find several volunteers willing to donate."

James was quiet—arms folding and brow furrowing as he tried, and failed, to keep a neutral expression—as he asked, "You said there were complications, doc, but these all seem fairly straightforward, if a bit much. What's up with the Commander?"

"The damage to Shepard's legs was considerable, and, it is quite possible, not certain of course, but likely, that there will be some form of long-term crippling due to the degree of her injuries." The nurse clasped his hands together again, visibly uncomfortable now, "And… I—We're still running tests to confirm it, but the Commander appears to have suffered widespread brain damage. Given the scope of the damage, and its unusual intensity on the memory centers of her brain, we're not sure how much she'll be able to remember. Or… or who." He glanced around almost guiltily at the four of them.

"You're saying she might not remember anything?" Ashley asked, dazed.

"I'm saying… we don't know. Brain damage is a difficult area. She might only have forgotten her last birthday, or she might not recognize her own mother. As I said, we're still running tests. I'll notify you once we have a better understanding of what we're dealing with."

As the man turned to leave, Garrus stopped him with a question: "Can we see her?"

"She's unconscious. We've put her in a medically-induced coma to let her body try to mend. Hopefully, she can wake up on her own when she's ready. You won't be able to interact with her." he said carefully.

"We understand. Please," Garrus asked, his voice warbling slightly, the others around him looking just as… concerned, as committed, with that same desperate hope, that need to believe that Shepard would be all right, displayed clearly on each of their faces, "She shouldn't be alone."

The nurse hesitated for a moment, uncertain, but when the four of them continued to regard him with the same steady concern, he relented with a small nod. "Of course. I'll see to it that you're given access to the room. Please avoid overly disturbing her, and let the doctors work. Check back in an hour, and, please, don't stay too long. She needs to rest." With that, he left, making a note on his omni-tool and leaving the four members of the crew in silence.


	3. Chapter 3

Liara sat in the only empty chair beside Shepard's hospital bed. Joker was slumped in the seat beside her, head resting awkwardly against one arm. As she sat down, he jerked back awake, grumbling to himself as he stretched and straightened in his seat.

"No change." He gave her a tired glance, before his gaze drifted back to Shepard's still form. To Liara, it seemed as if she was barely breathing.

It had been nearly two weeks since they had been allowed to see her. But, as the nurse had warned, Shepard was as unresponsive as the Reapers they had slain.

The days had brought much change, as the survivors of the Reaper War, as it was loosely known, worked on repairing the damage the Crucible had wrought. Some power systems had been irreparably damaged by the overwhelming surge of energies that had escaped the weapon, but most machines had merely required a sufficient cleaning, thermal wiring replacement, and backup files restored.

What backup files there were, anyway.

Many restoration files and failsafe programs had been erased as the hardware that had housed them had been destroyed. The geth, in particular, had lost countless millions of programs in the purge. The quarians were busy trying to salvage what little they could from the systems, their symbiotic partnership that was so recently critical for them to thrive upon Rannoch now put at risk with the geth all but wiped out.

The quarians, for all their technical skill, could still only do so much with so many of the geth's backups lost in the dispassionate, chaotic burst of energies that had not spared any systems, save those that had been far enough away from the relay network.

The Normandy was one such system, though the crash landing had badly damaged much of its internal hardware. There were still repair crews working on it. Working on… Well.

"My teams reported that they've cleared the AI core of debris and are ready to begin retrieval and repair operations within the next six hours." Liara explained, her tone gentle, even through the croakiness that came with the long, sleepless nights most of them had had since the final mission on Earth.

"Liara, I told you. I don't want to get my hopes up. It's bad enough that we're all sitting around waiting for the Commander to finish up with the second longest nap of her life. I don't want to… Just forget about it." he trailed off, the good humor that was such a persistent part of him, as well as his go-to coping mechanism, wearing thin enough to expose the sharp edge of his emotions. Each of them were dealing with loss of some sort, and Joker's was an empty seat by the cockpit, a deafening silence in the wake of his words where once there was sneaky wit and wry banter.

They sat there, in silence, watching the sleeping form of the Commander, and wondered if she would wake up.

Liara had seen Shepard dead before. This was… worse, in many ways. She had been unable to accept Shepard's death for the longest time, even when presented with the evidence. But once she had, there had been some certainty behind it: the cold certainty of the grave. She had given Shepard's body up to Cerberus in some part to prevent that certainty. But this… this was a complete unknown.

She was not dead, but neither was she herself, and all the pleading and hoping in the world was useless in reaching her. She was not gone, so they could not grieve, but she was not with them either. There was nothing of the strong, charismatic leader, the wizened soldier, the gentle friend about her now. She was just… there, hovering between being and not being.

Before, there had been options, and whatever Cerberus had been planning to do with Shepard, it wasn't like it could've gotten any worse. She had already been dead. But now, things were different. And the waiting, the uncertainty, the questions that might go on unanswered forever were maddening.

"Oh, Shepard," Liara whispered under her breath, suddenly feeling so very tired, "Please wake up."

* * *

Garrus leaned forward, body protesting as he shifted positions closer to Shepard's bedside. She couldn't hear him. That's what the doctors had said. She might not even remember him. There was no way to tell, they had explained to the crew. Maybe she would remember, in time, but there was no guarantee for anything, even for the overall effects of the damage itself.

"Blasted equipment," Garrus remarked with a flash of what could almost have been humor in lighter moments, "You would've hated all the machines they've got you hooked up to, Shepard. If you were awake, you'd have them pump you full of medi-gel and roll off the recovery bed just like old times."

She was still, her steady breathing overshadowed by the hum of the computers monitoring her vitals.

A loud snore from the dozing krogan on the other side of the room broke the gentle hum. Wrex was perilously close to falling over the straining armrest of his chair and onto Tali, sleeping, notably more quietly, in the chair beside his. They'd been here for longer than he had, already starting to show signs of nodding off by the time he'd arrived.

They all should go, really. There wasn't anything they could do here, but Garrus couldn't just leave her here on her own. Most of the others couldn't either.

As if to emphasize that point, the recovery room's door slid open with a quiet rattle of metal and motors to reveal Liara, her omnipresent drone assistant, Glyph, floating in behind her.

"I should have guessed I'd find you here." Liara mused, moving to stand beside him as they both regarded the unconscious form of the Commander.

"How is everyone?" he asked, still focused on Shepard.

"James is making a breakfast run with Ashley and Zaeed. Jack and Grunt are helping one of the extraction crews on the lower floors. Samara is still waiting outside the door the same as she has the past three days. The others are… well, they're still off handling other problems. Miranda says she'll be here soon."

Garrus was silent, his head dropping to stare at the floor, weariness and worry battling for dominance and just serving to make him more tired, more defeated. A hand gently rested on his hunched shoulders, and he sighed. "I just want her to be okay."

"I know, Garrus." was all Liara said, as they could do nothing but sit and wait, "I know."

They were silent for a long while. It would have been longer, had the armrest on Wrex's chair not finally snapped beneath his prodigious weight, sending the surprised krogan tumbling onto the hitherto unsuspecting Tali. Both now thoroughly awake, Liara went to grab new chairs, and the four of them followed Garrus's move and formed a tight ring around Shepard's bedside.

"Remember when Shepard wrestled that whole nest of pyjaks?" Wrex asked after a while.

"You wouldn't stop trying to shoot them." Tali responded, "And that was after we found the data module."

He laughed, the first proper laugh any of them had had in weeks, and grinned back at her. "Yeah… Good times."

"I always wondered where she found that… what did she call it? A hamster?" Liara wondered aloud.

"Oh, that was from the Citadel gift shop. I was always more confused why anyone would let Shepard keep any sort of living creature given her track record." Garrus replied, the words flowing easier now.

"Or plants." Tali added, shaking her head sadly, "Those flowers I got her never stood a chance…"

Liara leaned back slightly, eyes a little distant as if lost in memory. "Well, she did kill a sentient plant monster within the first week I knew her, so I suppose we should have seen that coming."

"Should've gotten her a plant from Tuchanka. Much harder to kill." Wrex suggested seriously.

"Much more likely to kill you." Liara shot back. "Even if they're not poisonous, they all smell terrible."

Wrex shrugged. "Keeps you sharp. If you can survive through the night with a toxic strangler in your room, you can face anything."

"I'm not sure most people pick plants that actively try to kill them, Wrex." Tali said uncertainly.

"Please, have you met Shepard? That sounds like her idea of Christmas." Garrus scoffed, "Humans already seem to fill their homes with toxic plants all the time. She doesn't need any more candidates."

"Maybe something a little easier to take care of. Something that can't die if she forgets to feed it. Like a VI hologram." Tali remarked, looking up at Glyph hovering between Liara and the door.

"Does she still have that VI of herself? Goddess, that thing was dreadful. She sounded like an extranet tourist advertisement." Liara wrinkled her nose at the memory.

"It handles her fan mail last time I checked." Garrus shook his head, "Still crashes every few hours and goes on about the Reaper threat. Nobody remembers how that got in there."

"Oh, actually that should be fixed in the next patch." Tali chimed in. The others turned to look at her, and she suddenly seemed to realize what she'd said. They couldn't see her face under her mask, but she shrunk down in her chair and seemed rather sheepish.

"Don't tell me you have one too." Wrex demanded, eyes glinting teasingly even as his face was set in a judgemental frown.

"No, of course not. That would be silly. I just… I help the developers debug the program algorithms sometimes, that's all. It's nothing, really." She was definitely embarrassed now, and she wouldn't meet Wrex's eyes, or anyone else's for that matter.

In the brief lull, Garrus felt his good mood ebb. He raised his head and gave a small nod to each of them. "Well, here's to Shepard. She may be the strangest human I've ever met, but it's been quite the ride."

They all murmured agreements, the atmosphere dimming and growing solemn once more.

Tali sighed, "I just wish—"

The monitors behind Shepard flashed all at once, scrolling text and lights covering their screens in a raucous display outmatched only by the piercing beeping that accompanied them.

They were barely out of their seats before the flurry of footfalls pounded down the hall. Samara stormed through the doors, wary and alert, surrounded by a throng of doctors, and it was only the bravest of those trying to enter the room that dared pass by the justicar. But she let them by with no ill treatment.

Instead she looked to the four of them for answers. But they had none. And before they could ask their own questions of the nearest worker, the nurses pushed them all out, skirting around Samara but doing their best to usher her out just the same. They left without resistance, confused and concerned both. What was happening?

As they regarded each other, Liara seemed to come to a decision and said firmly, "I'll get James and the others."

"And I will retrieve the ones from the lower levels." Samara added, moving quickly in the direction of the nearest elevator.

"What are we supposed to do?" Wrex grumbled loudly.

"We wait until someone can tell us what's happening with Shepard." Tali answered determinedly, taking a seat in the waiting room area.

Yes, that was all there was for it, Garrus thought. But his concerns were more along the lines of Wrex's.

He needed to know what to do. If something was happening— _Hang on, Shepard… we still need you. I_ —He shook his head vigorously, stared at the closed and secured doors to Shepard's room, watched the flurry of activity beyond, and slowly, mechanically moved to sit with Wrex and Tali.

The doctors would sort this out. They had to. After everything the galaxy had been through, everything they had been through, he wasn't about to lose Shepard now.


	4. Chapter 4

Ashley impatiently tapped the back of the skycar's driver seat. "Can't you make this thing go any faster?"

Liara shot her a look through the reflective panel in the dashboard and answered testily, "I'm going as fast as I can."

"Well, go faster." she shot back, impatience fraying the edges of her temper and setting her royally on edge.

"Can't we just steal some'in' faster?" Zaeed suggested, inclining his head towards a particularly sporty-looking Blackout model cruising below them.

"You know, I'm not usually one for stealing another man's ride, but this situation seems to warrant it." Vega added, eyeing the Blackout appreciatively. He turned around in his seat to face Ashley, "Hey, Ash, can't you get us something with a little more juice in it by flashing that fancy Spectre badge of yours around?"

"There's not a badge, and that's not what Spectre status is used for." Ashley snapped back, inwardly wondering if she could have swung borrowing a faster ride from someone. It didn't really bear thinking about though. What's done was done, and lingering on it wouldn't change what she had or hadn't done. She tapped Liara's seat again, just hoping that the skycar could get them there faster.

"Goddess, Ashley, sit still and let me drive, or I swear I will vent you from this cabin and make it look like a very convincing accident. I'm going as fast as I can." And she was, she could see, the speed controls pushed even beyond what their maximum should have been able to handle, let alone reach. But they had to hurry. Had to get back to the hospital.

"Figures, the one day we leave and something happens." Zaeed grumbled, echoing Ashley's thoughts perfectly, in meaning, if not in tone.

They didn't have long to worry though. Within minutes, Liara had pulled them through the complex weaving of traffic lines and twisted buildings to park in a busy, crumbling little skycar lot within walking distance of the hospital. They climbed out of the bargain model transport and started towards the hospital in the distance.

When a lot inspector stopped them for permit violations or some such bureaucratic formality, Ashley did pull the Spectre card and sent the poor twenty-something dock worker scuttling off as fast as he could. Their path unimpeded, they hurried to the hospital.

Once there, they found the whole of the original surviving crew and much of the secondary one crammed into the too-small waiting area. Somehow making room, they all settled in for the long haul with the others, Ashley herself squeezing in across from Garrus between Jack and Samara. The only one among them that wasn't sitting was Zaeed, who paced up and down the hall as close as he could to Shepard's room, swearing loudly as he was repeatedly and forcefully removed from the immediate area.

Kasumi discreetly slipped away after the first ten or fifteen minutes and though Ashley couldn't see where she had gone, Zaeed seemed to calm down not long after, resigned to leaning up against the nearest wall where they wouldn't harass him, and mumbling curses under his breath at the support staff as they rushed from one area to another.

It was quiet, save for the hurried footfalls of the staff. Long since having run out of relevant conversation in the weeks they had been hoping for Shepard to wake up, each member of the Normandy's crew was now reduced to simply sitting in each other's presence, all waiting for anything to happen, for a shred of news, or the smallest update on the Commander's condition.

A sound of opening doors behind him piqued enough interest in Ashley for her to look over her shoulder. To her surprise, Miranda stood in the entryway, assessing the situation before moving purposefully towards Liara. They spoke in hushed tones for several minutes before Miranda finally nodded, seeming satisfied, and marched straight towards Shepard's room.

Ashley expected the irritable security personnel to force her back towards the sitting area as they had done dozens of times with Zaeed, but, to her astonishment, she slipped inside with little upset. Moreover, as more time passed and she had not been violently ejected, she started to wonder just how many favors and ties Miranda still had. It was probably best for her not to know, given Miranda's former Cerberus connections. Not if she was still trying to help. These were… trying times. But if she could help Shepard, Ashley found she didn't really care what kind of resources she was exploiting.

Hours later, looking more tired than she'd ever seen her, Miranda half-walked, half-stumbled her way out into the waiting area. They all drew closer, impatient, but knowing well enough to give her a moment to collect herself.

A few frantic, expectant heartbeats later, and Miranda finally spoke, choosing her words slowly and with effort, "Shepard is coming around. We had to replace or restart several of her key implants that failed, that's what the alarms were for, best I can tell, but otherwise she seems to be recovering well. She shouldn't be awake yet, but the doctors won't allow her to be sedated and put back under. It's not the choice I would have made, but it's not my call. They're assessing her cognitive functions now, but I convinced them to let us see her. Should be a couple of minutes before she's fully awake, and then we can go in."

After the initial exuberance faded, Ashley noticed Miranda and Liara in deep conversation once more. It was clear from Liara's frown and their agitated body language that things with Shepard were not, perhaps, as smooth as Miranda was letting on.

Fear set in again as she remembered what the nurse had told them about Shepard possibly not being able to remember things, maybe even remember them. Had they seen something in their latest tests? How much of Shepard was actually left? There wasn't time to ponder such questions, though they continued to gnaw at the back of her mind like an ache she couldn't quite shake, for it was mere minutes later that the majority of the medical staff streamed out of Shepard's room and the lead surgeon nodded to Miranda.

The team slowly shuffled into Shepard's room, spilling out into the hall, and smushed up against each other and the walls of the too-small room as they all tried to cram in. Inside was Doctor Chakwas, making a final note on her pad as she powered down several of the suspended displays, detaching and disentangling a set of medical leads from—

"Shepard," she breathed, frozen, hope and fear stopping her in her tracks.

Shepard looked up from Chakwas and turned to see them. Her expression was troubled, her eyebrows raised just a fraction, and Ashley's heart sank, hard, as the Commander's mildly confused gaze swept across them.

Her eyes continued to roam over their faces for a few seconds before she croaked, "I'm sorry, but, if you're all here…" her expression broke with that wicked little grin, weary eyes gleaming, as she asked teasingly, "who's flying my ship?"

The result was cathartic, some laughing or groaning at the joke, others sighing with relief.

"Yeah, she's kind of totalled right now, Commander." Joker interjected between exasperated chuckles, trying to retain his serious bearing but unable to hide the instinctive humor, or the unintentional fits of laughter.

Ashley couldn't say anything. She simply pushed to be nearer, to somehow assure herself that she wasn't imagining this. Garrus and Liara, too, seemed lost for words that were usually so quick to come, and just stood beside her, soaking in the moment, soaking in the sight of Shepard—alive, breathing, awake, and clearly, obviously recognizing them.

When her gaze finally flickered to Ashley though, she forced words out, forced herself to say something to convey, like the others, how relieved she was that Shepard was here, that she was all right, or that she would be, at least.

"It's… good to see you finally up, Commander." she said, eventually, stumbling a little over the words. Shepard smiled and nodded to her, seeming to understand the sentiment beyond her dry tone.

As she moved on to the others, Ashley breathed out slowly. They might not always have been on the best terms with one another, mostly, she admitted, because of her own actions and distrust, but she was genuinely glad now that the Commander not only remembered her, but also seemed to remember their friendship rather than the times she had let it whither. _I promise, Shepard,_ she swore to herself, _I'm never going to doubt you again._

She had been surprised when Shepard had told her that she would be coming on the final push to the Citadel back on Earth. Surprised, because even though she had made that self same promise to the Commander at the beginning of this war, the trust between them had been sorely frayed by her distrust, and she wasn't sure if she had managed to repair enough of it for Shepard to believe that she would have her back in a mission. She didn't like where they had been at, the formal, stiff way in which she had delivered orders, and nothing else for fear of further lashback.

Ashley wasn't sure what she would have done if Shepard had forgotten the trust they'd rebuilt, the camaraderie, the teasing banter she'd fought to gain.

She felt like she needed to say something about her promise, explain how relieved she really was, but before she could find the words to even begin that topic, Grunt shouted enthusiastically from one of the far corners, "So, Shepard, when do we break you out?"

The crew—and Shepard, pained as the action was—laughed, and, for the time being at least, Ashley decided enjoying the moment and the fact that Shepard was still alive was perhaps more important than worrying about the past.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** The next couple of chapters will probably deal with various members of the crew (and Momma Shepard) helping the good old Commander through her recovery. First up is Garrus. A tiny bit Shakarian if you squint, but mostly just pals being pals.

Weirdly quarantine hasn't been the impetus to update, but rather I've circled back through another trilogy playthrough and it's stirred up more ideas. So, sorry for the wait, but here's another chapter (finally). Enjoy!

* * *

"And how did you activate the Crucible then, after you passed out?" Admiral Hackett asked, seated across from Shepard, his tone probing but placid as he consulted his pad again.

Shepard found herself hesitating, uncertain. "I'm not sure." she admitted, wincing as she shifted her weight beneath the tightly tucked sheets, focusing more intently on Hackett as she searched through the fragmented scraps of recollections from that moment.

"There was… a big platform, I think. At the top of the Citadel, or, something… I'm sorry, it's all just a blur." She rubbed her face in frustration, solitary, unconnected flashes of images, sounds, colors flitting by as she tried to replay what had happened.

"I'm sorry, sir. I can't remember." She wouldn't meet his gaze.

Hackett didn't say anything for a few moments as he typed into his pad, little electronic beeps punctuating the silence. Abruptly, the beeps stopped, and his voice was even, moderate, as he told her, "It's all right, Commander."

Choosing to use her military title. Choosing to focus on her rank, on her value, rather than her battered, struggling state in this moment.

"We've already gathered much of the intel we're looking for from our findings from the wreckage. This _is_ important." he emphasized, "Only you were there at the end of it all, and there are things we need to know that only you can tell us. But it can wait. The paper will keep. We'll continue this debrief at another time. Just try to rest up, Commander, and let the doctors fuss over you. That's an order."

He made to leave, but Shepard still wouldn't look at him. "Yes, sir." she answered mechanically.

He paused then, heavy boots stopped by the door. "And, Shepard, for what it's worth, I'm glad you're still with us."

She did look up at him then, and was struck, momentarily, by the sincerity she found there. "Thank you, sir." was all she could manage, guilt and frustration still gnawing at her.

Hackett nodded, then left, not one for lingering, or excessive sentiment. As he exited the room, he passed Garrus, who separated from the wall just outside. She thought she'd spied him leaning against it for a while, since he'd arrived, actually, about halfway through Hackett's debrief. As Hackett took his leave, Garrus shuffled into the room behind him.

"Hey, I know you're getting more than your fair share of visitors recently, but I also know you've been cooped up in here for weeks. The Shepard I knew would be chafing at all this bedrest by now. Care for some fresh air?" There was a hesitancy to the way he asked, just the slightest of delays to his little smirk.

They did have a lot to talk about, didn't they?

"I'm not as mobile as I could be, in case you missed it." she said, the sullenness she was carrying seeping into the otherwise teasing jab, as she nodded shortly at her legs.

"I've got that covered." he smiled again, that tight, mechanical smile, pulling in a wheelchair from the hall. "You wouldn't believe the security they have on guarding these things. It's lucky we've got Doctor Chakwas here to pull a few strings. If the entire Citadel had been as well-protected as these wheelchairs, Cerberus wouldn't have stood a chance. So, what do you say, Shepard?"

"If you try to push me around I'm going to consider it an act of war, Vakarian." she warned, biting back the beginnings of a smile.

He held up his hands in mock submission. "Don't worry, I won't. Word is, the last group you fought were trying to destroy all sentient life in the galaxy, and you blew them up. I can't possibly hope to match that."

A short while later, after carefully helping Shepard into the wheelchair, and assisting—not pushing—her out of the hospital to avoid arousing suspicion of an until-recently comatose patient wheeling herself out of the building without a caretaker, Garrus pulled up to one of the many thousands of railed walkways that ringed the Citadel. This one was markedly less damaged than most, spared by chance and, perhaps, by the distance from the Presidium ring, where the destruction was greatest. It was unremarkable from any of the myriad others they had passed along their way. But, she had to admit, the sight from the cracked viewport, looking down across the tattered wards, was quite something.

She could see him watching her in her peripheral vision, and she turned her head to regard him. Instead of meeting her gaze, he suddenly looked away.

"The awkward thing is cute, Garrus, but I feel like you're about to tell me I've got a week left to live. What's wrong?" she asked, exasperation giving way to a note of concern.

"Sorry. It's just, I know you want to be in control of everything, Shepard, to have it all together, but none of us expects you to be that. You took a bad hit… That's going to take time to recover from, no matter who you are."

Her debrief with Hackett, those feelings of frustration and helplessness, all too easily came coursing back. "I've never had to question what happened to me. I've always been able to rely on my memories. Now…"

"Excepting that last little dance with death you pulled and waking up in a Cerberus facility with two years of your life unaccounted for." he pointed out.

"Yeah, well, that was bad too." she rubbed her face wearily, "Actually, that's exactly my point. You remember those logs EDI pulled from the Illusive Man's base. He was manipulating me the whole time, he could have done anything to me, and I never would have remembered. Maybe he did. I'll never be able to know for certain."

"Shepard—"

"No, Garrus. What if the Crucible did something else? What if I did something else? What if there are people out there whose lives might be hanging in the balance because of something I saw? Without my memories, I'm… I'm flying blind. And if something happens because I couldn't remember? …That's on me."

There was a pause this time after she finished as Garrus considered his next words.

"I found you buried beneath half a floor of rubble." he said quietly.

The words caught her attention, and she glanced up, but he still wasn't looking at her. Instead, he was staring out of the ruined viewport towards where the remains of the Presidium ring lay, all but destroyed.

"Your pulse was weak, you were barely breathing, and, even beyond just your legs, when we tried to pull you out of the wreckage, I could tell you were hurt, bad. We kept finding bone after broken bone. We weren't even sure it was safe to move you. You must have been in an unbelievable amount of pain, but you hung on. And as soon as we pulled you out, you wouldn't let us get out until you told us where Anderson was before the blast, and what to do when we found him. Shepard, you're not responsible for not remembering, but even if you were? You didn't recognize where you were or what had happened, but you remembered Anderson." he shook his head, speechless, "I don't know what you did on the Crucible, Shepard, but I know what you did after, and I know there's no one who could have done more."

"You found me?" she asked, voice low, "I don't remember any of that."

"I'd be surprised if you did." And he'd be more surprised if he ever forgot it. The hope and fear, both so strong, so heady a combination. His own body battered and burnt, its recovery deferred, holding Shepard as if she were shards of broken glass. As if any moment, any movement, those shards might slice open his arms, his fingers. But instead of his own blue blood dripping, it was that startlingly red blood that stained the dust, her armor, his fingers.

"But what matters now is that we make this right. The galaxy needs time to recover. And so do you, Shepard. You've both been through a lot, and you can bet when the shock wears off and things get back to normal people will start making trouble again. We need to be ready for that."

"Yeah. I'd rather take on a bunch of angry mercs than a Reaper any day."

Garrus chuckled, feeling just a little of that tight knot of worry start to unwind, "I don't know, Shepard, you weren't the one who was constantly being shot at by them for two years. Still, I think when the hero of the Citadel and the Reaper War comes knocking even Aria's goons might just rethink their career choices."

"I doubt any of them have been threatened by an old broken-down soldier in a wheelchair before."

"And they won't know what hit them when it happens. Don't worry, Shepard. We'll get you there. But let's give you plenty of time to regain that temper of yours first. Wouldn't want you to get in there and then run out of steam."

She did smile at that, "Thanks, Garrus."

"Any time, Shepard."


End file.
